What the Alps sound like

"Have it our way"

American fast food restaurants compete for business by claiming that they cater to the customer's every craving. Burger King's mantra is "Have it your way." At McDonald's you can order a cheeseburger but ask them to hold the onions, pickles and ketchup.

Granted, it doesn't mean you'll actually get what you ordered. (I always factor in extra time to go back and point out that I got a McChicken instead of a McRib and two orders are fries are missing.) But they quickly agree to whatever customization you might desire.

One of my fellow reporters at our city newspaper once tested this marketing claim by visiting every brand of fast food restaurant in town to order the most bizarre customizations he could think of. He wanted to see if all of them would actually do it "your way." (That's how he learned there's a reason no restaurant has ever tried to sell a burger-fish patty combo.)

The Germans and Swiss approach customization differently: What customization?

Our local McDonald's has a beautifully extensive breakfast menu. They even sell a McGriddle breakfast sandwich. I love the McGriddle's delicate balance of sweet and salty flavors. In the U.S. you can have the McGriddle with sausage or bacon. In Germany, the McGriddle only comes with sausage.

I don't like breakfast sausage.

On my past three visits to our McDonald's, I've tried with my limited German to ask if they could swap out the sausage for bacon. I know they have bacon in stock. It's on most of their other breakfast sandwiches.

"Koennen Sie McGriddle mit bacon machen?" I ask. (Can you McGriddle with bacon make?)

Each time the cashier's face reflects confusion. And it's not because of my German. Then she glances back at the lighted menu board as if to remember what comes on the McGriddle. She explains to me something in German that I usually don't understand, affirmed by a negative shake of the head.

"Nicht bacon?" I repeat, just to be sure.

"Nein," she replies regretfully. And so I order an Egg McMuffin.

If I knew more German, I would be able to distinguish whether the cashier of the day is saying she is sorry they don't have a bacon option on the menu, or if she means that they are absolutely not able to make it differently, even with a slight upcharge.

This morning, as I ate my Egg McMuffin a little sadly, I tried to see the bright side. I said to my husband, "Ok, you can't have it 'your way' in Germany. But, in spite of the fact that here I'm ordering in a different language, at least I always get what I order. They haven't messed it up once."

"In America you have to order in a different language, too," he pointed out.

How do you say "layering" in German?

Most women would agree that it's hard enough to get the haircut you want at a salon where the hairdresser speaks your language. Imagine the difficulty in communicating a new hairstyle you want with someone in another language altogether.

My few German classes covered things like greetings (Gruss Gott!), commenting on the weather (Es ist regnet!), how to order in a restaurant (Ich moechte eine pizza mit salami, bitte) and how to talk about your family (Ich habe einen Katze). They didn't teach me how to ask for the bottom to be trimmed, layers throughout and angled bangs. I know Germany has its share of cows, but do they have a word for cowlick?

The danger of trying to prepare your requests through something like Google Translate is that if you put in the phrase "bottom to be trimmed" it might spit out a phrase that has you asking for your butt to be made smaller. I'm terrified of how it might translate "bangs."

Fortunately, I have found a fantastic salon where a picture really is worth a thousand words. The hairdressers speak almost no English, and my German is still embarrassing. So I simply sift through Internet photos of the hairstyle I want, print them out and show them to the stylist. And she gets it exactly right -- usually better -- every time.

I'm certainly not paying Fantastic Sam's prices. But a really good haircut that's going to last me 3-4 months is more than worth 40 euros ($58).

Well, it was more than worth 40 euros a few months ago.

Dang dollar.

A perfect moment

Saturday was just an all-around perfect weekend day: slept in, enjoyed coffee and news headlines while I gradually woke up; dropped off two cakes to the family of a lady who is in ICU b/c of head trauma from a bad fall; made a home-made pizza for lunch (brie and prosciutto with mushrooms); worked out while watching Lost Season 4, and then housecleaned with A. until everything was spotless; changing out all the linens to fresh, crisp ones.

But the afternoon reached an absolutely perfect climax when I stepped outside to take out some trash and a cat ran up and rubbed herself against my legs. Then she followed me into the foyer of my building, so I grabbed A. We took turns sitting on the stairs with her rolling around on our laps in an ecstasy of petting.

Later, I sat outside on the front step, and the cat lunged into my lap and settled in for a good long while, resting her chin on my arm. In the shelter of the porch, we stayed dry as it rained and got blustery. It might have been cold, but the chubby cat kept my lap nice and warm. We sat there for a while as I watched the different kinds of trees wave and shiver in the sudden wind. Some lightning streaked across the sky, and the cat only looked up for a second as thunder rolled over us.

After a few minutes, the sun came out and a complete, perfect rainbow arced across the sky in colorful brilliance.

It was one of those rare, restful and richly sensory moments that I hardly ever have time to experience. I just looked up into the sky and said, "Thanks, God."

Black Forest Ham

So, I learned recently that Black Forest ham, in Germany, (here it is called Schwarzwälder Schinken) is NOT the same thing as Black Forest ham in the United States. Back home, when you get Black Forest ham, it's a cooked and smoked ham, often with a kind of very thin rind on the edges.

Here, it is raw.

OK, it is smoke cured. But it's transparent and stringy like raw meat. They don't cook it first. It looks a lot like raw bacon.

It's very salty and tasty, but when you first take a bite of your sandwich and are surprised to realize you are eating raw meat, it's a little unsettling.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Forest_ham

Cherries!

I don't know how I didn't notice this before, but there are so many cherry trees around here that I'm surprised they haven't been dropping on my head. There are two behind the dorm on campus, and one in the garden of a home that butts up against the small driveway entering campus. There's also two hanging over the fence of a woman's house next to my office. And quite a few line the walking path from our village to the next bigger town.

The cherries are ruby red now, and about 1/3 smaller than the ones you usually get from Washington.

I've been lusting after those cherries, particularly the ones by the office. I love cherries and in the States they're usually so expensive in the Midwest that I only get 2-3 bags a summer.

I saw the neighbor today. After we asked each other how we're both doing, I asked, "Koennen wir nehman kirsche?" Literally, this means, "Can we take cherry?"

She got visibly excited and I thought she said something to the effect that a friend was coming to help her pick the fruit and that she would bring us something. I didn't know if that meant just the raw cherries or something she was baking.

A few hours later, a huge bucket heaping with jewel colored cherries sat on the doorstep with a note from her. Now I understand -- her friend came before and they had picked all these cherries. I guess they had more than she knew what to do with -- her trees looked like they'd never been picked, there's still so many. She has at least 3 trees. I was quite happy to help her with this problem. :-)

I split them with the couple living in the apartment in the office building.

So now I have an enormous bowl of cherries I need to figure out what to do with. I just baked a heavy raspberry pie, using frozen raspberries, on Sunday. I guess I'll pit these and leave some to eat and freeze the rest until I have empty casserole dishes to bake with again.

Comfort food

As you have probably noticed, when you are an expatriate, food from home becomes particularly important, more so than usual. Comfort food goes to a whole new level.

I had a bad day today. And suddenly I was in the mood for breakfast for dinner. So, we had bacon, eggs, blueberry pancakes, hot coffee and pineapple juice.

By candlelight.

And now we're on the couch watching a movie.

The day just got better.